It was really weird — everything I had avoided came back to haunt me all at once.
I’m often asked why I’ve made the decisions that I’ve made. While to me it came naturally, I suppose it must be odd if I’m to receive inquiries. Why did you stay home that day? Why did you leave? Why did you not tell him? Why did you have to say it in that way? Why would you never go back? Why…why…why… For the reason that at the time it felt right. That...
it’s become simple to toss, cut, and burn. i don’t believe i’m any happier, but i do believe i’m much stronger.
reality / tv
I’m always a bit relieved when it’s never as bad as it is on TV, But it also kills me that it can never be as good.
I’m alright if I lose all those other people, Because I know I’ve already got the best one. It’s taken a lot of fights and faith for me to realize this.
sometimes the sun is so red that it makes the sky look like it will burn everything it touches. sometimes I wish that it would.
I can’t be hurt if I choose not to care.
I was always waiting for something big to change my life And now I realize my life did change By all the little things I’ve never noticed
i feel that i am capable of more. more importantly, i feel that i deserve more. i don’t feel that i can attain the “more” that i want. but i feel that i can only gain as long as i try. i feel that i have the capacity to try, and to try more. i do believe that this is the first i’ve felt this way.
People in this world can’t gain without giving, And I put my heart out there for the taking. You took, and, And I never saw clearly what you offered, And I wonder how you got away with it.
Sometimes, my favorite conversations are the ones that never happened.
i am everything that i want to be, i’m just not where i want to be yet.
this shouldn’t affect me as much as it does.
I believe you must be a good person, Because you take such beautiful pictures.
I love seeing unflattering pictures of people I don’t like.
The worst part about my job is that no one cares about me. The best part about my job is that no one cares about me.
talk talk talk talk
I know you’re never really listening, but I honestly don’t mind. You see, I just like to talk, but I don’t want to talk to myself. And that’s where you come in. You are there for me to tell myself I’m not crazy.
The more I work with people, the more I hate people. I don’t like to think of myself as people, But I have to become people, Or else I would most definitely lose.
My subconscious wishes that you would talk to me again. But my sub-subconscious wishes that someone new would come along, so that my subconscious wouldn’t yearn for you.
You look really mean when you’re not smiling, so I try to make you laugh every chance I get.
Same age, similar childhood. Different approaches, similar results. No “right” or “wrong”, But surely there should be something “better”. I selfishly wish for your happiness; If you end up alright one day, Perhaps I’d end up alright too.
I don’t like how even now I find pieces of your hair in my apartment and on my clothing. Like my memories of you, your thin blond hair reveals itself at unexpected times. And I hate myself for even having made this analogy.
I didn’t use to eat breakfast until I met you. Now just the thought of missing breakfast seems to be the worst thing in the world.
The Politics of Honesty
Whenever you introduce me to your friends, you tell them that my best quality is my brutal honesty. As I shift my focus to you, your smile begins to fade.
A Careful Study
That morning when I was in bed and you were getting dressed, I sat up and took the the time to memorize your body and your movements. You laughed nervously because I was staring, but my expression remained unchanged, my gaze still focused. As soon as your back turned against me and you made way towards the door, I knew what we had would not happen for a second time, at least not in this manner. ...
I was waiting for you to set my glasses somewhere at a safe distance. I didn’t want them to see what we were about to do.
I was number 8. You said you didn’t like to deduce your previous partners into numbers, but I think for you it was inevitable. I thought about the number 8, and I was content with it. In Chinese culture, 8 is a symbol of prosperity and fortune, and I could see having that with you. In western culture, 8 is the number of perfection, the infinite moments we would share together in our...
I don’t know how you could have let him hurt you like that. You cried because he had left, but not because he was a horrible man who did horrible things to you. And surely you didn’t cry for yourself either, because somewhere along the way you had already stopped caring for yourself a long time ago. But I cried for you that night, and all those other nights as well. I don’t...
I was sitting alone in your apartment waiting for you to return. You sent me a message, “I’m sorry I’m running late. I’ll be home soon”. As if you had spoken these words, it rang though my ears over and over again. “I’ll be back soon,” you could have said, but instead you said “home”. I like the idea that you were coming home to me,...
I didn’t want to talk to you that night by the river. You were drunk, and I never knew if I could believe your words whenever you were in that state. I was told that when liquor flows freely within a person, their honesty is exaggerated. You had told me you had loved me more than her, but what you really meant was simply, you had loved me more than you had before. And even this feeling...
To be Tangled, and then to Untangle
I pull away and I involve myself with strangers, in desperation to escape the reach of the web intertwining all those of whom I have known. I am never on the loose for too long before it extends to find and engulf me, and now it has taken you too. Now I must pull away again, each time further than the last.
We must not confuse proximity with actual intimacy.
I know no more of this—of us, of you next to me, or of you at all, even. Our meeting exists only in the minds of the patrons on that one morning train. How many of them thought we would make it through the entire journey? Oh, just how many of them were wrong.